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Welcome to Sporks are Useless! A blog of random, useless, spork-like spam spontaneously posted by 2 authors, Hikari and Dancing Toast, twin girls with no lives, cranky and sarcastic attitudes, chaotically insane minds, and occasional violent mood swings. We will be responsible for making your visit to XXYYZ-I as frightening entertaining as possible.
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~The Sporks Team, Hikari and DancingToast

Thursday, December 16, 2010

5 Things I Would Like For Elephants and Other Such Pachyderms to Trample On in Multiple Stampedes If They Were Material Objects


Spam it. I was tagged by Red Sunshine from Polished With Dust. And yes, I totally want you to cover a miscellaneous object with spam and/or spam some site you don't like. Just kidding. It's my way of speaking. "Quite frankly, my dear, I don't give a spam."

So like, I have to post something about 5 Things I Hate, or to put it more gently, 5 Things I Would Like For Elephants and Other Such Pachyderms to Trample On in Multiple Stampedes If They Were Material Objects. I tag whoever is reading as well. Here goes:

1. Teachers that don't teach. You're a teacher. I'm supposed to learn from you. If you're not going to teach properly, then I won't learn, and your class in my eye is insignificant and unimportant to my future. Simple enough? Take, for example, my World Geography teacher. Let's just say that if she qualifies as a teacher, I'd have a job.
She doesn't know how to be patient or kind in the slightest, and the way she "teaches" is for her to read the chapter, make some questions out of things she thinks are important, tests us, repeat. We've covered South America. Do I remember anything other than there's a lot of coffee and bananas going around? Nope. Besides, I already knew that before I took your sporklike class. Geez.
My science teacher was described by Toastie perfectly: Splenda. Fake sugar with a bad aftertaste and nobody likes her.
If you teach, great. If you're awesome, even better. If you're patient, cool. If you're all three, then I love you. Sensible enough Thing I Would Like For Elephants and Other Such Pachyderms to Trample On in Multiple Stampedes If They Were Material Objects, right?

2. Procrastination. Actually, only when I procrastinate. Actually, wait, I don't procrastinate awfully and I can deal with stress pretty well... Never mind. #2 will belong to cigarettes. They hurt other people, second-hand and third-hand. Lung cancer, brain damage, all those nice things. They pollute the environment. They're not good for you. You're just condemning yourself to a slow and miserable and PAINFUL death. Your dying moments will not be in peace, but in agony. And you deserve it all. Enough said.

3. Awkward moments. Yes, Wolfie, I stole this from you. I don't know what to do in embarrassing situations.
I hate it when I say something to someone and they're not talking to me. But that's not the bad part. The bad part is when they get offended that I muddied the vicinity of the air around them with my inconsequential thoughts. Guess what guys? You can choose to get offended or not. I'm not offended when people call me "yellow": the people of my ethnicity call us that too. They even have a really famous song with that in it. " We're brethren of black hair, black eyes, and yellow skin..." I make fun of myself by myself. I know I have small eyes. Gee, I wish they were bigger, but it can't be helped. I can deal with my own faults. Stop getting offended for me. I'll do it myself when I feel like it. Meaning "IF I ACTUALLY GET OFFENDED". You can go shut up and cry in a corner for all I care about people of your ilk.
Also, if you think I deliberately say things that are rude or cruel, sucks for you. The truth hurts, love, and all I say are things that I believe to be true.
But I digress. In awkward moments, I need to break the silence. Tension is bad. I need to understand your allusion to cultured things. I need to stop going on the Internet, but also understand where everything's coming from. I need to be better friends with you to get in with your inside jokes. I hate it when I don't actually know what you like so that I may have a long and pleasant conversation with you, or even a good joke. I also need you to be more accepting of myself. I'm a unique person; we have the potential to be good friends. Stop being an antagonizing bouche-dag. Laugh when it's funny. Let me know that although I don't know you well, you like what I say or do anyway. I DON'T LIKE BEING AWKWARD. Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!

4. Horrible people. People who go out of their way to make every single person who isn't their friend or favorite feel absolutely awful about themselves and suffer. Teachers do this, like my infamous science and world geography teachers. They both target this one kid who talks a bit too much. Grow up, and chill, dear screeching buffaloes. I thought you guys were supposed to be mature. I don't think he deserves that kind of treatment, I know the people who do and don't receive it. Myself included. If you hate me, at least do me justice and treat me fairly. If you yell at me and I don't give you the reaction you wanted, I'm so indifferent to your immature venting. I wish to tell you many unflattering things about you too, dear. But if I did, you old hags would shrivel up with age by the time I'm done with you.
And those cliques that are super anti-flexible. I know I'm weird. Making fun of me doesn't make me less weird. I like Harry Potter and ninjas and unicorns and manga and a different style of fashion than you. I used to like Twilight until everyone thought it was the best thing since a can-opener. I admit it. That guy over there liked drugs before he got rehab. He admits it. He won't pretend he didn't, and neither will I pretend I hated Twilight from the start. (BTW, Twilight isn't a good as Harry Potter, story/plot-wise, nor is it as well-written in the slightest. Harry Potter is brilliant! Descriptive, filled with action, and even obscure details are important. But just a side note.) Quit making me feel excluded just because of what I like. You don't even know if I'm a nice person or not, so just shut up or get to know me better before you judge.
Haters included. Other people are people just like you. They don't have to like what you like, do what you do. They believe in different things; don't block them out of your happy little "normal people" group. Exempli gratis: I told my fourth period I was atheist. No one seemed to take my own decision very kindly. RELIGION ISN"T HEREDITARY PEOPLE! My friend's older sister is Buddhist while her parents are Christian or Catholic or whatever. If I choose to think that science makes more sense than heaven and Hades, let me on my merry way! I support gays, lesbians, and bis even if I'm straight. Love is love. Don't make this difficult, because it's not. Just be more tolerant. Ah, screw this, I'm going to buy one of those brilliant "Coexist" bumper stickers. I'm going to buy the biggest one in the whole freaking shop.
As well as hypocrites. Don't let me get started. I'll get even more infuriated.
And thieves. Idea thieves, art thieves, recipe thieves, knitting pattern thieves. You think that because the Internet keeps you anonymous, it gives you an excuse to be an idiot who doesn't know how to create anything by yourself? Because it doesn't. You're not cool if you're incompetent but try to seem competent through taking credit for someone else's hard work. It actually makes you come off as unbelievably stupid and the target of much-deserved insults.
And really bad wannabes. You're not cool for jumping on the bandwagon. Ugg boots? I think they're ugly. I'm not spending 150 dollars on the ugliest shoes on the face of Mother Earth, how 'bout you? Cursing is just as bad. Stop trying to impress your peers. It's supremely unattractive. You can't possibly become any more unattractive if you swear-word every other word you say. Wearing fedora hats backwards without realizing? Not only does that make you and idiot and look like one too, it also goes to show you're too busy trying to do what everyone else is doing to do it right. I'M NOT IMPRESSED. I wear hand-me-downs. I'm not trying to be gorgeous, stop criticizing me. I'm saving resources and in turn, the environment. You're saying the shirt I got from Goodwill has a permanent stain? Gee, that's probably why the frivolous rich brat donated it. TOO BAD FOR YOU. I live up to my own standards; not. yours. Never yours. Jump in front of the bandwagon; try to get others to follow you doing the right thing, the cool thing.
And inhumane people to all living creatures. Kill a lizard instead of trapping it in a plastic container and slipping a paper underneath and letting it outside, stomp on earthworms desperately crawling home instead of helping them off the sidewalk, laugh in an abused lion's face, ignore the pleas of a donation collector. They disgust me to absolutely no end.

5. Bad grammar. This seems so inconsequential compared to the other important-to-me issues I addressed before. But it just ticks me off so much when I encounter it. You're a teacher. At least take the tiniest step in trying to set a good example. Don't take points off spelling mistakes if you ask us how to spell things yourself. I helped my first grade teacher spell "spaghetti". She was the nicest lady in the first and second grade building, but when she went to ask the teacher next door, who spelled it incorrectly. She then realized I was right.

So there you have it. My "5 Things I Would Like For Elephants and Other Such Pachyderms to Trample On in Multiple Stampedes If They Were Material Objects", finished! How were your holidays? :D
(PS: Sorry about the rambling. And ranting.)
BTW, I saw a trailer for the new PotC. It looks awesome, not at all like a sucky I-won't-let-it-go movie. Gore Verbinski = ♥

2 people actually love us.:

Nicolas Lopez said...

Akward moments are awkward. and let me add WORD VERIFICATION! I ALWAYS type it in wrong

Red Sunshine said...

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