All Aboard the Fail Train! (Note to Newbies)

Welcome to Sporks are Useless! A blog of random, useless, spork-like spam spontaneously posted by 2 authors, Hikari and Dancing Toast, twin girls with no lives, cranky and sarcastic attitudes, chaotically insane minds, and occasional violent mood swings. We will be responsible for making your visit to XXYYZ-I as frightening entertaining as possible.
Enjoy your stay at Sporks Are Useless and check out the blogs we follow on our profile!
See you on the dark side of the moon!
~The Sporks Team, Hikari and DancingToast

Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Lizards Are Back

And I wish they'd go home. D:

Y'know how we mentioned that there were lizards living in the potted plant in my house in an earlier post? We got rid of the ones that had freaking lizard BABIES and eventually got rid of all of them, but as soon as Toastie and I leave with our mom for China, my dad somehow gets more. He practices golf in our backyard, and he says that lizards like getting in his golf bag and in the plant he puts his bags near. He's scared as heck of lizards because his elders told him lizards would crawl on him and go into his ear and eat his brains.
When I first heard them, before I saw the lizard, I was freaking out because I thought something electronic was malfunctioning. D: Scary! I have to catch them, and it ain't easy. You have to sneak towards them, not making a single sound, trap them under plastic containers and slip some paper underneath and bring it outside. The tiny baby lizards are easy to catch, but the big one are nightmares. One jumped on me once because it was trying to get away from the plastic container. Stupid.
They rustle in the leaves, driving me crazy. GO HOME ALREADY! T^T

Monday, August 23, 2010


I think this is going to be a looong year...

I hate the people in my Art class. There are like, three guys and two girls who are absolute nincompoops and ruin the class for everyone. They only wanted to go to Art because they think Art is easy! I can tell that most people in the class will at least try to do something because they at least appreciate Art or have some sort of artistic ability (vaguely?), but those other people should just leave.

And I have lunch in the middle of my third period, and it's absolutely squished. Like, zero room. And they make us sit in the order we lined up in, so across from me are idiots and only next to me are friends. It's stupid, and I don't even think it's going to be my lunch. The first week is supposedly "different" from the rest of the year. And the teacher is really late in picking us up from lunch. Drama... may be embarassing, and I'm really self-concious. At least I have friends in all my classes, but my retarded last name seats me soo far away from them in class. *cry*

Wish me luck!

Thursday, August 19, 2010


I never knew how much I depended on school to make interesting content for you guys to read.

I went to Open House this morning and found out that my first period teacher tries not to give weekend homework, my math class will be easy, my third period teacher tries not to give homework in general, and I have Drama and Art for the entire school year. Language Arts is Language Arts. Since when does the L.A. teacher actually teach anything? What do you expect? It's a Language Arts teacher. Mr. Ticket Clerk is in all of my classes. O_o And I have absolutely no classes with Sunshine! TT^TT
Seventh grade probably won't be hard, but I think I speak too soon... We'll see.

I have friends in every class! Woot! Now I don't have to use effort and make friends! XD I'm lazy and kinda antisocial. ;DD My lovely Skyuki dyed her hair! ... again. Now it's like, Asian-colored hair. She's turning into an Asian! Like-like-like... an egg! White on the outside, yellow on the inside. XD I'm so mean.

btw, I finished watching the Fullmetal Alchemist anime. FMA is like the best manga out there; go read it!! <33
Maybe I'm only antisocial because I lack means of communication other than a house phone and email. Most people text and use Facebook. Just in case you were wondering, I'm NOT going to get a Facebook because a) I don't know how to upload pictures from my camera to my computer [otherwise I wouldn't need my friends to help me scan my DA pics], b) I don't want to become even more of a loser by getting addicted, and finally, c) I don't have any friends to talk to anyway *cough* loser *cough*. I might get one in high school?? Just to keep in touch, y'know?

I'm still alive, don't worry. We went to China for the majority of our vacation, remember? And the Chinese Internet servers didn't let us go on blogger, so we couldn't post. I may not be here as often anymore. I have a DeviantART account, so I'll mostly be active there, maybe. The upcoming school year may change my Internet frequenting, though. My Neopets are dying... (Again, I'm a loser who has no life. :D)

Also! I didn't notice until just now that our Stalker count has gone up again! Yaaayy!! Thanks guys!
P.S. : When you italicize things in Gmail, it italicizes the opposite way of Blogger's way. I thought Blogger and Gmail were both made by Google. Why are they different?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Not really though!

I will tell you about my not-so-productive day.

1) I woke up at about 7:31 in the morning because my eldest sister and father go jogging in the morning to lose weight. Hikari and I are supposed to, but we aren't now. They jog in the mornings 'cuz it's less hot any other time in Florida and when they wake up, they're really loud. I keep waking up every 30 minutes, reminding myself to finish my Kumon, since it's due today.

2) The half-hour before I wake (about 11:37), I had a really crazy dream about touring China again (maybe it was an excerpt of a nightmare), while being on a crappy brown Chinese tour bus designed like a toy train that's connected in the middle but somehow stayed intact inside. The doors were in the middle instead of near the front, and my Grandma (some weird one who didn't look like my real Grandmas at all) was on the seat near the middle, and I was all like, "no Grandma, don't sit there, it's bad for your health" since in the dream, the not-Grandma had heart problems or something, so she was all like, "shut up mind your own beeswax" but not before these weird little Chinese kids (because Chinese kids are horrible) were in my tour group and being hateful to me for no reason and rushed me onto the tour bus. Then the tour bus randomly turned into a crowded but better white-and-blue bus with my whole Kumon building's people inside. There were tables and chairs and a TV we were all watching to learn a lesson because apparently we turned into a school-type place ON A BUS (and I know we were still on a moving bus because I could see the scenery flash by) and then I woke up. All in Chinese of course. Maybe the dream was my subconscious telling me that I needed to do my Kumon and torturing me with China again.

3) I woke up, ate breakfast, and finished my Kumon. I tell my sisters about my dream-excerpt, and they give me funny looks. Then I go on the computer and read Hyperbole and a Half for the majority of my day. I take a break to go downstairs and eat because I'm hungry. I crave Chinese-store gelatin.The mini-fruit gelatin that I want to eat is FREAKING HARD to open, so I take 20 minutes to open the 1 1/2 inch plastic container, and by now, my craving is gone. as soon as I open it, the juice at the top explodes everywhere and all over my arm. I have to drink all of the juice (which is surprisingly a lot, since usually other brands of Chinsese-store-gelatin doesn't have too much juice), and eat the mere sliver of gelatin. I'm still hungry after all of this, and say, "screw nutrition and the jelly, I'm eating a chopstickful of Nutella" and I do so. Reading Hyperbole and a Half with lots of recently-consumed sugar is not a good idea, so while I'm typing this, I'm really hyper and explains my lack of punctuation. Anyway, the lesson is this: Never read about ADHD people's ADHD while adrenaline is rushing through your veins because it feels as though you have ADHD yourself when you weren't born with it. It works almost as well as getting high.
MAN, I want more Nutella. And maybe that's the reason I feel high. And I did this all in my trashy pajamas.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Amazing blog is amazing.

You do not believe how incredibly funny this blog is :

Usually, when I'm reading something funny, I usually smirk, smile or giggle. But I never laugh outright. This blog made that possible. I was laughing loudly, hysterically, and probably had a weird face on while I laughed like a maniac.

Or at least, it's funny for the Others. You see, the awesome people following this blog are the rare Others. What are Others, you ask? Well, most of the Others are around the ages of 12-15, or just really mature elementary school kids. Have you ever noticed that on TV, there are groups of Preps, Emos/Goths, Jocks/Man-Whores/not-brain-dead-boys-who-are-popular-but-got-so-caught-up-pretending-to-be-stupid-just-to-impress-a-prep-that-the-boy-actually-beacame-stupid, Band, etc.? Well, the others are the ones who don't fit in any of those categories and are actually mature/are academically able/ Nerds/ scorners of popular peoples. If you're a Popular Person, you obviously wouldn't be reading this blog or like it after I've just offended you, so you don't have to pay attention to the awesomest link above. But if you Others ignore that link, you'll be deprived of one of the most famous and funny blogs in the world.

So go read that blog. Now.


Meanwhile, as we finish laughing our noses off, my comment in the below post continues ranting about China. Read my first comment on that post and separate imagination and reality about China. Because China is not full of happy dragons. It's full of a land where a Health and most likely Sanitation Department doesn't exist even in the natives' imagination. But you don't have to, if you don't like me ranting. Just continue imagining that China is a wonderland of culture. But when the day comes that you do visit China, let me know what happened on your trip when you come back. After you survive the rip-off tourist attractions, of course.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Don't worry; we're alive!

Hai guys! Miss me? Well too bad, I'm back!
Guess where I was over most of summer break? In China! I will now give you an extremely long rant about the most horrible place ever...
In links!---> and !!!
Don't read them if you hate complainers. China's the most horrible place in the universe, so don't go. Seriously. Don't go.

So guys, how was your summer? Fun? Boring? Where'd you go?Pleeeeeaaasssee comment!
Also, if anyone's having problems with the Mixpod/Sporadio, please let meh know. You move down by clicking on the last song on the page and then pressing the ►► arrow. Any songs to recommend is fine. Just comment and I'll see. Sorry about not posting before and after school ended. And the whole summer. Eh heh. *awkward laugh* O_o'
Well, I have nothing more to say, except that there's a poll. So tata for now. ~Toastie.