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Welcome to Sporks are Useless! A blog of random, useless, spork-like spam spontaneously posted by 2 authors, Hikari and Dancing Toast, twin girls with no lives, cranky and sarcastic attitudes, chaotically insane minds, and occasional violent mood swings. We will be responsible for making your visit to XXYYZ-I as frightening entertaining as possible.
Enjoy your stay at Sporks Are Useless and check out the blogs we follow on our profile!
See you on the dark side of the moon!
~The Sporks Team, Hikari and DancingToast

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Tour of Volde*Mart

Hello and welcome to Planet XXYYZ-I's favorite store, Volde*Mart!
Here, you can buy a selective choice of items and wizarding supplies, so, are you ready to have a tour of this wondrous store??!!!TOO BAD!!!!!!YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE ANYWAY!!!!!!

We have many of the things that you have in a typical Earth store, except that you have much more advanced things here than on Earth, as seen in Hikari's post of "Tour of XXYYZ-I".

Let's skip all the boring supplies like kitchen appliances, shall we? If you feel any discomfort during the tour, you may signal for one of my trusty spaghetti bunnies to assist you.

Now onto the wizard section of Volde*Mart.

Here, we have the wands of any shape, length, magic type, and core in many different assortments. Feel free to come on down and a specialized employee to help you find the perfect wand!

Over here, we have Powder Avada Kedavra, which is a lethal powder used in potions and war supplies since we are currently fighting alongside Vader. We have some lovely mad scientist kits that have this powder as an ingredient. Children, please do not play with these kits without adult supervision as these could be explosive, destructive, flammable, etc. Also, if you are not able do conduct the potion, and are frustrated at it, we suggest you return it if you value your sanity. Thank you.

Kill Potter/Voldy/Malfoy/Twilight characters /etc. plushies that are taken care of greatly, and with your new wand, you can blast it to bits! Or Cruciate it if you want, it's programmed to squeal and writhe in pain and agony and terror.

We also have guns and wands and light sabers and a special kit to transform it into waber-gun, but these packages are tightly locked with a special code that only works if you have a scanned licence for waber-guns. Waber-guns now have a special edition that shoots out cologne at the opponent. Waber-gun licences are sold at Volde*Mart too, so it's very convenient to be here.

So, that's the tour of Volde*Mart, hope to see you soon!

(I am only pretending to be nice like those voicing people in cheap commercials with useless junk for sale at wherever.)

~Spaghetti Bunny, your tour guide
(requires tips)

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Muse Of Randomness said...

Wow. I need a trip to Volde*Mart.

I know this is a different series and all, but there should be Kill Edward Cullen plushies. I'm tired of seeing his seemingly endless amount of fangirls try to get me to read Twilight. Not interested.

... How big a tip does the Spaghetti Bunny require?

Spaghetti Bunny said...

yes, i shall inform the producers and make them produce a kill edward cullen plushie. i want (as a tip) a new tickle me wang plushie, the one i have is practically disinegrating.
twilight is actually pretty good, except breaking dawn, the excitement just committed suicide by jumping off a cliff into a toilet and flushed itself away, and it was disgusting!

Muse Of Randomness said...

I've never read it and don't plan to. It seems kind of gimmicky to me.

Sure, one could probably create a dark romance story of basically the same plot without vampires/shape-shifters/etc..., but the fact that it does have vampires/etc. in it is what makes people want to read it. Catch my drift?

Adeline said...

i need to renew my waber-gun license.

YAY! Volde*Mart!

Jade (Popsicle Chan) said...

*gives tip plushie* thanks for the tour! The waber guns with colonge must be really harmful! Especially if it's with Ax, eh the last time someone from Earth brought that to MM, everyone attacked him, and they've been banned ever since