All Aboard the Fail Train! (Note to Newbies)

Welcome to Sporks are Useless! A blog of random, useless, spork-like spam spontaneously posted by 2 authors, Hikari and Dancing Toast, twin girls with no lives, cranky and sarcastic attitudes, chaotically insane minds, and occasional violent mood swings. We will be responsible for making your visit to XXYYZ-I as frightening entertaining as possible.
Enjoy your stay at Sporks Are Useless and check out the blogs we follow on our profile!
See you on the dark side of the moon!
~The Sporks Team, Hikari and DancingToast

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Tour of XXYYZ-I

Hey peoples of the places that can read English! It's me, Hikari, hold your applause, hold your applause. *cricket cricket* Fine, be that way.
So anyway, I'm gonna explain to you everything about XXYYZ-I because now that I've reread our blog, you don't have any idea about what's going on because Sunshine and I talk about it more at school than on the blog. The topics of the paragraph are in bold.

  • Environment. First of all, XXYYZ-I is extremely environmental, (therefore we have more advanced environmental products/methods than Earth,) and pretty, like Uriel in Madeline L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time. The air is cool and clean so that we have no need for air conditioning. We have solar-powered "electronics" and all houses have a special skylight so that all "electronics" can charge. The skylights also allow light in during the day, so that people don't waste the solar energy in the "electronics" during the day. But some of you may wonder "Well what about the furniture? Doesn't sunlight fade furniture?" Well, that's where you can apply the fact of us having more advanced environmental products. All furniture is treated with fade-proof polish before sold to customers. But if it's cloth-y, we have special threads that are fade-proof.
  • Oceans.The oceans are freshwater. Don't ask why, they're just like that. Some of you beachgoers will wonder about the beaches. There are bathrooms stationed every half mile and are always kept clean. The reason? Well, since the oceans are made of freshwater, there is no shortage of drinkable water, unlike Earth. we can easily distill sand from the water, but it's not as easy to distill with your...erm, wastes. You have to take a shower before swimming in the ocean so that it won't be dirtied up by the filth of thousands of people.
  • Travel. There is only one continent for easy travel; bikes are the main use of transportation. Gas isn't used on XXYYZ-I.
  • Heat. The sunlight on XXYYZ-I is perfect for growing all types of fruits and vegetables, but it isn't hot enough to make sweat by just standing there like global warming does. All the excess heat from the skylight is taken away by vents to heat up your shower water because, like I said earlier, we have different ways to do different things.
  • Death and doom and destruction. Before, when Sunshine says that we're the planet of happiness and death, she actually means on Prison Island(which I control), where all the bad people are punished, sent back to Earth, with their memories of XXYYZ-I stripped. But don't worry, they're given Earth memories to help them survive.
  • Food. In order to be even more environmental, XXYYZ-I is vegetarian. But for those who love eating meat, we have ways to make tofu taste and feel(some people like the texture of meat) like meat. Everyone drinks soymilk, plain, chocolate, or vanilla. And, the soymilk tastes exactly like milk, but even better. It's healthier too, and more convenient for lactose intolerant people. It's also less fattening. Soy allergies are eliminated as soon as you step foot on the planet.
  • Plants. The soil for this planet is extremely rich in nutrients because our planet is very young. Also, it's even greater news for our bees, because Venus Flytraps eat bugs, but only grow in poor soil, which our planet doesn't have. Bees are the only insects XXYYZ-I (to pollinate the plants), and they don't sting, because if you think about it, people only get stung by bees because they bother them, and bees won't sting if you don't bother them. I said there were no animals on XXYYZ-I, but I was lying. They know their place and don't bother anyone. They are not kept in zoos, but neither do they run away the moment they see you, because we get rid of poachers as soon as we find them. Translated: We have animals.
  • Cleaning. It isn't damp in houses so that you won't have to worry about cleaning, and dust is sent back outside to decompose. Even dust and dirt is clean so that you don't have dust and dirt allergies, and for those with pollen allergies, the bees collect all of it, so you can forget about those allergy problems.
  • Sicknesses. XXYYZ-I is disease-free. As soon as you step on the planet, all diseases are vaporized.
  • Shopping. Volde*Mart is the ultimate superstore. You can find everything permitted to the public there, and can even get a permit for a waber-gun there.
  • Exile. Before, Sunshine banished me from XXYYZ-I to the Evil Empire. The Evil Empire is XXYYZ-I's second moon that cannot be seen with the naked eye, but still exsists, just like the first moon, but the first moon is uninhabited and shines like Earth's moon.
So that is a tour of our beautiful planet, XXYYZ-I.

~Hikari, Ruler of Planet XXYYZ-I.

4 people actually love us.:

Jade (Popsicle Chan) said...

wow, that was long. Can I get a visa to live there! I'll grab the next shuttle!

Muse Of Randomness said...

Sounds nice.

I have never read A Wrinkle in Time, despite the fact I own it.

If you only use bikes/walking on XXYYZ-I, I'm going to assume obesity wouldn't be a problem (also taking into account there are no sicknesses.)

Ack. I've no idea what I'd do without meat.

... I'm visiting before moving there, though.

Spaghetti Bunny said...

sometimes we have real meat when a cow or chicken or whatever died, or was dying. but real meat is still rare(as in not common). the tofu is flavored and made with the texture of meat, so it's like you're actually eating meat.
popsicle, you don't need visa, and the next shuttle comes to canada tomarrow at 9:30 pm sharp. though it might be hard to find, it can take any shape or size,why else do think bees got here?
And Muse,the reasons why there are bikes are to be environmental and to lose weight.

Muse Of Randomness said...

Well that's convenient.

I have actually never had tofu before.